Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The air was thick with penises
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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