Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
