God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
