No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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