So drunk its hurt
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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