You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
