I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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