Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
