I cut my penus on the lid.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
