I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
