True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
