I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
