she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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