Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
