Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm like, not good at living.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
