He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
