So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
