I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
