he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
