He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
