i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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