What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
