I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
