i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
