First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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