By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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