Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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