weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
