Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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