I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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