I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i drank out of a bidet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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