i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
