the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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