I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
