just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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