I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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