so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
