Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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