I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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