During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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