First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
