What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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