can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
