Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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