Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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