Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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