Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
