if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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