god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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