And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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