Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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