im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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