im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
