her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
