i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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