I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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