just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The beer is more important than you right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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