oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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