you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize