walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
