she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she smelled like a LAN party
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
