I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize