I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
