doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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