Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize