i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
