All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
