Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
