get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
