Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
