So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
