she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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